Mumbling man...

I realised this morning that I haven't left the house since friday morning, and haven't showered or shaved either ( I will force myself soon I hope ). I don't think the reduction in my medication is helping. I just feel listless and crazy at the same time. I keep thinking about a fellow in town I have run into a few times who stands, always stands in the pub looking out the window mumbling to himself non-stop. I find myself watching him when he isn't looking and trying to hear exactly what he is saying.

When I first came across him I thought he was saying something to me and being polite said "pardon" or "excuse me" when he spoke. I soon learned to try and ignore the behavior and make sure I am away from him now as in response to my querying I got a disdainful look in return. I feel empathy for him but my own phobias rise in his company so find distancing myself from him an acceptable relationship between him and I.

I mentioned him to Ben (another patron) who claimed he heard him say "I'm gonna' get a gun and shoot them all..." Ben reckons it's very disconcerting as he thought he is probably crazy enough to do it. He can talk normally and stops mumbling long enough to order further beers quite normally in a clear louder voice, only to return to the mumbling when the barmaid turns to fill his order.

I watched him from the pub window one day standing across the road with a cigarette paper in the corner of his mouth whilst he fumbled in his tobacco packet for some tobacco to roll a cigarette. Every time he attempted the maneuver his mumbling would force the paper out of his mouth and he would be forced to catch it as it tumbled on the breeze downward. He would place it back in the corner of his mouth and start again only to have the mumbling force the paper back out. He repeated the procedure several times until finally he was rolling the smoke free to mumble along with unconstrained abandon.

All my conversations go on in my head and thus far have not resulted in any vocal responses on my part so I can conceal from the people around me any turmoil that I am mentally experiencing. I can't help feeling sorry for him though...