Alcoholics Anonymous - 2nd Meeting...

Lying on my bed this afternoon I just wanted to block out the world. It had been such a dreadful day for me from the moment I had woken up. I was pleased with the outcome from the doctors this morning and should have been happier but wasn't. I just feel I could be a lot happier in life and I am not. I can't find an appropriate reason for not feeling better, I just seem not able to.

I had confused today (tuesday) with monday and remembered late in the afternoon that tonight was my weekly meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I couldn't work up the inclination to attend the meeting and thought up a half a dozen reasons in my mind for not attending. I remembered an old-timer of AA saying to me "when you don't want to go to a meeting, that's when you need one...". The last thing I thought I needed tonight was A.A. rhetoric, another excuse I thought, so I dragged myself off to the meeting.

The drive was just over 20 kilometers and I arrived just as the other two attendees were opening the church hall doors. When I first arrived I thought an hour for only three people, this is really going to drag and I did not feel like sharing anything. I was still in "hide away" mode and it had taken the greatest of efforts just to "attend" let alone "share". The speaker opened the meeting and asked the other bloke to share first (thankfully).

I was amazed to hear just how similar our story's were, military background and the troubles in life alcohol had provided us. He was articulate and descriptive and I found his sharing somehow therapeutic. By the time my turn came I was amazed how relaxed I had become with the situation that at first I harboured so much scorn for. By the end of the meeting I felt the best I had felt all day and was glad that I made the effort to attend after all.

I now think my depression today was probably just that of an "un-medicated" alcoholic, pure and simple...